Weigh-in #8 and #9: 21 Day Challenge

I have some sad news to share.

No weigh-in this week. I’m currently at Rebecca’s house. Due to a sudden death in the family, I am here taking care of all the fur babies. I’ve realized that I haven’t really updated in a while so you don’t know how big of an undertaking that is. Rebecca has two cats, and two dogs. She also is currently fostering five four week old kittens. They are ADORABLE, but they need to be bottle fed every four hours. They were dumped off in a bucket and a fisherman found them 😦 I love them, but the night is hard. It’s like I had a baby. And if you didn’t know, it takes me about an hour to two hours to fall asleep so I never really get to go back to sleep, or even nap inbetween feedings. They are old enough to begin to start weaning (and we’ve pretty much successfully litter trained them!) so it should be getting better. They are definitely more independant than when we got them last Tuesday.

So, nine animals to care for means no weigh-in. I could have brought my scale over, but I didn’t want to have to deal with that when I was bringinig over clothes/toiletries/food so I’m calling this week a bust, and will do a weigh-in next Sunday. The Sunday after that is the day I head to my summer stock really early in the morning, so I don’t think I’ll weigh-in on that day. I really don’t think I’ll remember to do it at like 4 am in the morning. I’m still debating on whether I’m going to bring my scale. It’s one less thing I’ll have to pack and find a place for if I don’t bring it, although I won’t have the accountability of seeing the number every week. But, it could be cool to see how much I lose after 9 weeks of not stepping on the scale. We’ll see what I decide.

The last weigh-in I did was on the 16th (I really AM slacking on this blog, I’m sorry). It was at 300 lbs, which is maintain from the last week. It’s ok. I was kind of bad with my calories towards the end of the week, and my food wasn’t as good as it could have been. I know why it’s the weight it is, but it’s still a tiny bit disappointing.

I finished my last 21 Day Challenge around the 9th of this month and I realized I didn’t talk about it. I made a video about it:

I didn’t do so hot in the water department, but did do well in both the keeping track and cleaning categories. I guess 2 out of 3 isn’t bad, right? Since I love my lists and resolutions I decided to do another challenge. This one in addition to keeping 150 oz of water, I added exercising at least 2 days a week, and get up before 10 am. We’ll see how it goes.

Weight Goals

I was asked a couple of days ago on what my goal weight was. I made a video about it while I was going through my old Weight Watchers bag. I won’t embed it here just link to it since I feel that the majority of my posts are just videos, but the bag had all of my old journals, recipe cards and other paraphonalia from Weight Watchers meetings, but most importantly it had my weigh-in cards. It kind of inspired me to look back at what my weight was then, and what I accomplished through the program, and come up with some weight goals for myself. I’ve never really sat and thought about a weight goal, other than to be in my healthy weight range for my height, 5’6″ (115-154), and to be at a healthy BMI to not be considered overweight.

I remember in high school (when I started Weight Watchers) I had the number 150 in my head as the weight I wanted. I really don’t know why I had set my sights on that number. It probably was the weight of someone on T.V. or even in a magazine and I thought they looked fine. I’ve kept that as my goal weight for a while, but not really because of anything more than I’ve just always had that number in my head. I’ve spent some time thinking about this, and researching what weight I should be striving towards as my goal weight. I’ve come up with some goal weights, that vary in pounds. I think having smaller goals that are achievable is a great plan for anybody trying to work up to something. Since I’ll have goals through each step of my journey, it will continuouly give me something to look forward to, almost a mini prize, and not just get discouraged that the ultimate goal seems so far away and I will never achieve it.

-My first goal is to get back to or below the weight I was back in February which was 298 lbs. This goal is super achievable since I my last weigh-in was at 300, but I have wanted this goal for a while since I had fallen off and gained those 6ish pounds.

-My second goal weight will be 270 lbs. In true Weight Watchers fashion, 30 pounds 10% of my current weight. I figured I would follow WW because the goal is substantial enough to make me feel like I have shaved off a dent of my weight, but not overly to hard to achieve.

-My third goal is 250 lbs which is my highest weight recorded in high school, and where I was at the begining of WW

-Fourth is 224 lbs, my lowest weight on WW. Once I hit this, I know that it will give me an extra push to be healthier than I was in high school, and that will be fantastic.

-Fifth is 200 lbs because its just seemed fitting 🙂

-And sixth is 150. The biggest jump from any of the previous goals, but I feel that I need it. This is also, for the time being my dream goal. It will always be that because of my constant love of that number since high school, but also because I want to know what I feel like as a 150 pound woman. I don’t want a dream goal that is not right for my body, and the only way to know that is to get there. 150 pounds will be towards the top of my weight class, and I am fine with that. If my body thinks it should be lower after this point, I’ll gradually get to a weight I feel is safe, healthy, and something I can sustain for the rest of my life. The only way to do this is to get there and be that person, not a 300 pound woman speculating.

If you notice in all of my goals I don’t set any sort of a guideline in time. I don’t want to. I feel pressured when I put those restraints on myself, and then feel crushed/defeated/mentally bruised when I don’t make it. It’s what has put me off from sticking with weight loss before, and I don’t feel the need to do it again. I don’t want to rush this, I want my body to naturally get into the rhythm of weight loss and eventual maintain. Rushing only helps the eventually triggering of a relapse, and this really is a day by day thing. I also want to live life. I don’t want to be down on myself for enjoying a party with friends, or a trip where I gain a little bit. As long as I don’t keep that up, I am perfectly fine with gaining every once in a while and getting back on track. If this journey only makes me hate life each day that I do it, I’ll give up or miss a ton of precious moments because I’ll be in a bad mood. We only live this life once, why not make it a fun experience.

Weigh-in #8

Last week I was 304.8 lbs this weekend I am…(drum roll please)

300 lbs!

That is an amazing awesome loss of 4.8 lbs from last week, and only 2 pounds away from my lowest weight ever recorded on this journey. I am beyond excited and thrilled about it. I really didn’t think I was going to lose that much weight. My calories have been ok, but there have been a couple of days of not so good calories, and I have not been exercising. I’m not even working right now, and with very little money to my name I haven’t been going out as much so my life is pretty much in a non-exercising mode. I have been doing really well about my choices of food, and have been deligent about measuring out things to get the correct serving size, and not just a guess. I know that realistically that my size and this being a “first” week back on play a huge part in this, and it won’t continue and just become harder to lose weight, but it does help as a motivator to keep on keeping on.

I also have been ridiculously good at the choices I make when I go out. Last night was a party at my bosses house for another one of my boss’s who is going back to school. Now, we knew going in that we were going to get some pretty good food (Heather and I spent a good part of one of our days sorting and putting away Food and Wine and Martha Stewart everything in our magazine stock because Mark donated all his old magazines), but I didn’t realize how much amazing stuff there was. And I’m not saying amazing loosely.

Not only did he have amazing dip appetizers, there were to-die-for brownies, chicken salad (did not eat), biscuits, salad, then later on in the evening the most amazing banana creme pie I had ever tasted plus some local chocolate bourbon goat cheese. Oh. My. God. So much amazing food and while I did partake in most of it (I indulged quite a bit in this one cream cheese dip with toasted bread) I didn’t go as over board as I normally did. I also made sure that during the day on Saturday that I ate better foods, with fewer calories so that I had a pretty good amount of calories for my day in the “bank”. I also allowed myself, if needed about 500 more calories so that it wouldn’t hinder my losing calories for the week, but it wouldn’t be the most needed for 2 pound deficit.

Then, today, I went over to Rebecca’s to hang out with Mercy who is leaving soon. Rebecca ended up making dinner, a full burrito spread. And although I did eat a lot, the amount of things were way less than I normally would have. Instead of 2-3 servings of cheese and sour cream, I had barely a serving- just enough to taste. I had done pretty well during the day, so I actually was pretty far below my calories so I had some leeway. I also stopped at one beer, a rarity for me, but I just didn’t feel the need to drink those empty calories. Usually, not eating here for two nights would have killed me, but I feel that I had everything under control.

In my video I ramble on a bit about a clip I saw on a gossipy type program about a woman who is 600 lbs and wants to gain more to a thousand pounds. As you can tell I, and I’m sure like most people, am completely dumbfounded about this woman and the reasons why she would want to. It’s hard to describe how I don’t understand her, yet do understand in terms of a mental illness. There is something (whether it be small or really large) wrong with her mentally for her to reason in her head that this is something that is ok to strive to. I can’t understand how the mind can work that way, especially when most people who are at the size don’t actually want to be that size, and know that the things they are doing are wrong they just can’t stop and it’s a spiral that keeps going and going.

I state in the video that I hate the life that I have being the size that I am, and I try to explain it but don’t really do a good job. I don’t necessarily hate my life, because I think for the most part I’ve lived an amazing life, and had amazing experiences, but my weight has hindered a lot. I’ve never had a “real” relationship because I’m not comfortable in my own skin and sabotage or break of the relationship, I can’t do terribly active things because I get winded easily (the reason I never really participated in the theatre football games). I have stopped acting and singing completely because I don’t have the confidence that I will ever get a part because of my weight. It’s hard for me to find clothes, and when they do none really look good just ok. Also, they aren’t cheap. Although I’m extremely lucky and was never really picked on for my size (in fact, I was friends/on good terms with pretty much all of the popular kids) I still had the occasions where it would happen to me. Little things effect like being afraid that I can’t fit into a ride, having issues with seatbelts not buckling. It’s all horrible, uncomfortable humiliating things.

For someone, such as this woman, to want those things, and strive to create more obstacles like growing to eventually be so heavy that she would not be able to get out of bed to go to the inevitable soccer game or play, or anything of the like that her youngest daughter will participate in, not being able to go outside to sit in the sunshine and read a book. To not getting to throw snowballs when it snows. To knowing that you have cut you life expectancy in half (or more) is completely foreign to me.

It’s also mind-blowing that everyone seems to be ok with it, and isn’t helping her. Her boyfriend loves her the way she is, and continues to actively support this lifestyle. She eats in front of a webcam and people pay to view her, we put her on a segment on a national show and no one helps her. Someone has got to stop her from doing this voluntarily. She essential has no one that can fight for her to live. It’s just so heartbreaking.

I want to personally thank everyone in my life who has helped me and have wanted nothing but a better life for me. I may have had some upsets in my weight, God knows I have, but it’s never stopped me from wanting to be healthier than I am, and to not giving up even though I have some hiccups along the way.

Weigh-in #7

Hello!

So let’s talk about this past weekend. I was all prepared to go out to the infield at Churchill Downs and have the time of my life with my friends Mercy, Rebecca, along with Rebecca’s brother and his friends. And then I spent some time thinking about it and realized that I really didn’t have the money to buy the ticket into the infield, and the amount of money spent on other things like alcohol and food (alcohol is not allowed in, but can be bought there, although I am proud of Mercy who I think wins the best way to sneak in alcohol award by using her hair). So, I ended up going over to Rebecca’s empty house, with no parties to go to since everyone I knew was at Churchill or at work, and did laundry, played with her two dogs, and just had a lazy Saturday. Her house is 2 miles from Churchill so it was almost like I was there! It’s sad, but there is always next year, which I plan to save up for and without a doubt go to.

This past Sunday I officially stepped back on the scale to start weigh-ins again. I was scared what it was going to be, since I have only been tracking my calories this past week, and even then I was consistently going over. I was scared what those weeks of doing that every day would have done to my progress. I was also scared because I decided that this weigh-in would be my first weigh-in that I announced over on my Youtube Channel. Writing it is entirely different then saying it out loud.

So, I figured out it might get a little confusing since it is Weigh-in #1 on video, but it is officially my Weigh-in #7 in total. We’ll see if it gets too annoying and I’ll have to fix it.

As you can tell from my video, my weigh-in was at 304.8. My last recorded weigh-in was on the 14th of February and it was at 298, which means that I have gained 6.8 lbs. I was honestly shocked when I stepped on the scale, not because of the gain, but how little it was. I had gotten on the scale a couple of weeks ago, right after the time of my birthday where I went out for every meal for probably a week, and then it had said I was 314. I was scared to death that it crept up farther and that when I stepped on it this time, I would have gained every last pound that I had lost. That’s not the case, I am proud to say. It’s a real wake up call, and it’s definitely motivated me to keep up my calorie counting, and slowly get back into a steady workout routine so that I can get back to the 298, and go even farther. I’ve done it before, there is nothing that can stop me from doing it again.

Maybe I’ll gain one week, and maybe I wont, maybe I’ll lose for a couple of weeks. It doesn’t matter how I get there. It’s continuously getting back on track and not letting the upsets of yesterday effect the today, the present, the now. We all fall off the horse. Some people jump up and get back on, others lay there for a while before getting on, and others get up and walk away. It doesn’t matter. As long as you get back up on that horse, and not walk away, you are not a failure, you are not giving up. I feel that I was laying down on the ground for a while these past couple of months, and I realized that I needed to get back up on the horse. I love horses, and horseback riding, so why should one little upset prevent me from never doing that again? I love my life, why should I let one upset ruin it, and quite possibly lead to death because of complications of my health in being this overweight.

Yesterday I also decided to try my hand at black bean burgers, which I haven’t ever made for myself but have ate plenty at restaurants. I had a recipe in my Spingpad (which I have been wanting to write up a post about, I might do later on) that I wanted to try from the time I saw the post over at Eating Bird Food come up in my reader.

Oh. My. God. They are amazing! So easy, so cheap, very little time and ingredients and fantastic. The recipe can be found here. Seriously, go try them. I’m having them for lunch. Love them! I know what I’ll be living off of this summer while in VA for my summerstock gig.