Yesterday was weigh-in and I lost 2 lbs! I was super, no good, very bad, this week calorie wise though. The only explanation I have from the loss is the fact that during the day during those bad times I was super on point with calories, and I think a combination of that and my body needing more calories from work (overtime + doing exercise-type jobs like scrapping wine labels off of bottles for 2 hours straight) helped even out everything. Don’t get me wrong, I love the loss, but those days of binging are not good. At all. I need to work on that this week (hello, broken record Jessie. Remember saying that last week?) and get back to eating healthier foods.
On the healthier foods point, I spent all of my Sunday doing nothing but laundry and in the glorious trap that is Netflix instant queue. More specifically: the documentaries. I love watching them, I always get inspired and learn new things. It was a nice way to veg out and not do anything that was work. I ended up watching a series of documentaries: Vegucated, No Impact Man, and Forks Over Knives.
It’s no secret that I have been wanting to go vegan for a while. Years ago I thought it wasn’t something I could do. I was also kind of scared. What if I mess up? What if people judge me because I’m fat and I’m vegan? For years I’ve been a vegetarian (and most of my life semi-vegetarian), and it wasn’t really hard for me. It was hard when I would come to struggles like dining hall food in college, or instant cravings for food of the fast food variety, but other than that it was easy. I like vegetables, I like vegetarian foods, I enjoy the impact I have in terms of animal rights. Hell, I even eat most meals vegan. But for the past couple of years, something in my gut always told me that wasn’t enough.
I’m not going to stand on a soapbox and say that eating animal products is bad and that you are monster if you do. I think everyone has to decide what’s right for them, and at least hear the other person’s side on why it is important to them. In my heart I knew that just giving up meat wasn’t enough. I knew about what was happening in the dairy and egg farms, and by eating those products I was still hurting animals.
So, for the past year I have been slowly fazing out animal products in favor of vegan alternatives (or something completely different). I still ate cheese from time to time, and had things like yogurt or cottage cheese. I didn’t even think about it when I was out at meals, it was hardly ever vegan. I wasn’t super awesome about checking product labels, so things like bread would normally not be vegan. Frozen items generally had cheese. Then, a couple of months (maybe more?) I thought about fully switching over. I wrote a post about it, possibly on Tumblr? I wanted to do it slowly and finally get there.
If there is anything I can say about my life is that doing things “slowly” doesn’t work out for me. I have to just up and do it. No ifs, ands, or buts. Just do it. I wanted to stop biting my nails? I just do it. I wanted to learn how to tie my shoe? Just did it. I wanted to give up red meat and pork when I was in middle school? Just did it. I wanted to start losing weight? After months (years) of me starting “slowly” it took one day for me just to pick up MyFitnessPal and just do it. And here I am, more than 20 pounds lighter.
Those documentaries really got to me, as they should, but also my heart got to me. I just can’t deal with that dread I feel inside. I’m not perfect, and never will be. That’s the beauty of ” just doing it”. There will always be set backs (hello last two weeks of high calorie days) but it’s the just do it mentality that gets past those upsets and continues on to the next day, afresh.
I’m going vegan.
I think I’ll be a lot happier in the long run.