wiaw. weigh-ins. updates. blah-dee-blah

Oh hey, poor forgotten blog.

Not that you really expected me to follow through with my posting plan. But I tried, didn’t I. And a post even days late still counts. Considering its my blog, and since I’m not getting paid to do anything specific, I can do as I like.

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So, without further ado my WIAW:

I started off the morning with a good old standby:

  • Keurig coffee
  • Packet of Truvia
  • 1.5 ounces of Silk coffee creamer (vanilla). Yes, I do measure it out

For a snack during the day at work I had some decaf Republic of Tea vanilla almond tea with 2 packets of sugar. I convinced my boss when we needed to replace our old water fountain (water cooler?) that the upgrade with the cold AND hot would be really good. It is good, and I don’t have to wait for the microwave for hot water for tea

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For lunch I had Lilly’s brand kalamata hummus with some Crunch Master multi-grain crackers. Both I bought because they were on sale at Rainbow Blossom, and both I actually liked. Not the best of either, but the combo was good and I had it for most of the week because I’m lazy with lunches. I also had a bottle of Hubert’s diet blackberry lemonade. It was really good, and had Stevia as the sweetener so bonus points for that (especially since I didn’t even realize it was diet when I grabbed it, which in hindsight is stupid because look at how big the “diet” is on the bottle).

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I then kind of had a splurge. I was at Earth Fare, hungry, and wanted something so I got some of their vegan chicken salad and a mini loaf of bread. I also then picked up the Rice Dream mint chocolate pie. I didn’t end up eating most of the chicken salad/bread because it really wasn’t good, but I did eat the ice cream. I should have just gotten the ice cream, less calories and less money. If you want vegan chicken salad, go to Whole Foods, so much better.

Even with the splurge I was still doing pretty ok on calories and I made a really awesome meal of quinoa with onions, broccoli, mushrooms, and Beyond Meat chicken strips.

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I didn’t do a weigh-in this week. I know I gained and I just couldn’t face the scale. My portions and calories were out of control. I really have no excuse except letting my urges get the best of me. I’m trying my best to recover and turn it around. So far today I’ve been pretty awesome, and really re-learning and re-teaching my body to be ok with being hungry when I don’t need to eat, and not falling for every craving. It’s a battle, but I’ll get there. There was one glimmer of change for the better during the week when I went for a walk as soon as I got home from work. I threw the purse in the trunk and just took off. That was the moment I knew, that even though I wasn’t exactly there, there was hope left.

weigh-in #44. grocery haul.

So, today was my weigh-in. It wasn’t pretty. I knew it was going to be horrible, I have been eating horrendously. I have a habit of being perfect, and on point with calories and food decisions up until dinner and blow it all on high calorie binges. This showed in the scale with around a 4 pound gain.

Yep.

I’m not happy about it, I’m not excited. I am ashamed and saddened by it. But, life goes on and this is just a bump in the journey. I’m taking it one day at a time trying to turn it around, and I think that’s all I can do. I’ve also been doing things that I know motivate me. The one thing I can not let myself do is blame myself, to the point I worsen the damage. This is not the end of the world, it’s a gentle nudge to tell me to try harder.

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I went to Whole Foods to stock up on things for the fridge. I haven’t really done a proper shop since I’ve come back (I was out of peanut butter and I didn’t even know it) and this was a good start with lots of things that are not only healthy, but have helped keep me in check in the past. I figured a good old grocery haul in image form would be fun, and lighten up the mood in this post.

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  • Califia Farms unsweetened almond milk
  • Califia Farms vanilla almond milk <~ These were still on sale! So excited
  • Tofutti sour cream
  • Earth Balance

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  • Bulk popcorn kernels
  • 365 ketchup
  • 365 crunchy peanut butter
  • Mediterranean leek and onion crackers
  • Oasis roasted red pepper hummus
  • Field Roast meatloaf
  • Bulk nutritional yeast

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  • Grape tomatoes
  • Snap/sugar peas
  • Baby carrots
  • Gala apples
  • Cauliflower

I have a lot of pantry items to use and still have some kale and mushrooms from a previous trip, but this I know will help me start getting into a better routine and prepare better meals, along with healthier snacks.

Also, the splurge of the day goes to:

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Isn’t she pretty? I loooove glass water bottles (not the price…) and I couldn’t resist because of the size (a whole 22 ounces) and the top. I have a smaller one of the Life Factory bottles with just the screw on top. I love it. It’s durable, the glass is so much easier to clean (and doesn’t start to do that weird scratching/cloudiness that bugs me) and I use it at work all the time. My only problem was the top. I need a water bottle that is a covered top (for safety reasons in the shop), but sometimes I don’t have two free hands so the top was always a nuisance. I think this is going to be the winner in all of my issues with the added bonus of a strap and more ounces. One of the things I’m pushing towards is drinking my water. Now I can leave this one at work, and take my old one home.

weigh-in #40. exercise. keek.

I am officially under 300 lbs! AHHHH.

I woke up insanely late today, but that was followed by the joyous news that I was 299.6 which is a loss of 2.6 lbs from last week! I am through the roof excited about this. I thought for sure I was going to gain this week. I made the mistake of letting my stomach overpower my head and picked up some bread from the bakery at Kroger. It was gone in two days. Ugh. It was a struggle to keep on track but I did it. Not my finest week eating wise, but I still did something right with that loss, and my eating is far from what it used to be. For that, I’m thankful.

I’ve noticed a trend that it’s really hard to mentally get into things when new situations arise. This week was my first week of calorie counting and not being at work. I rely heavily on work for added movement and no downtime for mindless snacking (especially since going vegan, when someone brings in things like donuts or cake it’s easier to not eat it than before) but here I am at home with no money so I can’t really do things outside of the house to keep me occupied. This happened when MyFitnessPal moved me down in calories the first time. It was rough, but I just have to keep going. If I continue to push, I see results even if I’m not perfect.

I worked out almost every day this week, and I know that helped. A lot. I’ve been loving going to the park and pushing myself to run farther, or walk faster, or go longer. I’ve also been just enjoying it too, and spending time people watching. I’m hoping to continue this trend. Tomorrow I’m going to try for my farthest walk yet: 4 miles. 2.50 miles (which is my loop at Cherokee) is easy. And I’ve walked 3+ miles just as easily (especially when not worrying about pace). I figured it would be a good push.

I’m still going to work on my run/walks. I think it’s a nice push to the workout, and I think it’s good training. I want to begin working on the Couch to 5K program, and I have an app on my iPhone for that, but right now I think it would be a fairly hard, and with leaving for Massachusetts soon I don’t want to start the program and not be able to complete it. I do think that it will be easier once I start if I continue doing the walk/runs so that’s a positive. In a perfect world, I’ll be able to start the plan in Massachusetts. I’ve never been to the theatre, nor the area so I have no clue if that is in the plans. Summer stock is intense, but some theatres are more than others so there is no way I can plan ahead with things.

One thing I have also been doing which I think is fun, is posting on Keek. I had an account for a while and did nothing but look at others videos on it. This past week I started posting on it after workouts. It’s kind of neat, because it’s my true feelings/thoughts after a workout (most have been in my car before leaving) and it’s short and sweet. You only have 36 seconds to upload for Keek. I think I’ll definitely be continuing using it after workouts as a mini visual workout journal.

Weigh-In #37

It’s been a while since I have posted anything. I think this is a direct corralation to the fact that I posted my last weigh-in video really late this week. I had originally intended it for it to be up Tuesday night (when I filmed it) and didn’t realize till Thursday that it had failed. But, I made one! That’s at least some dedication right? I was originally going to do it on Sunday, per norm, but by the time my friend left it was later and I just didn’t feel like doing it. It was purely about laziness than anything else.

I gained .6 last week, which I knew had to be water weight/having had more carby-alcohol than normal close to weigh-in (but still in calories!)/and the arrival of my period that led to the gain. Even knowing this, sometimes it sucks to see the number on the scale go up when you know you’ve been doing excellent. I didn’t really let that get me down, and this past week I had a really awesome week. I went out for walks more, I stayed within calories, I ate relatively good foods, and it paid off. Big time.

This week I weighed in at 304.8 which is a loss of 7.8 lbs. Holy. Crap. You know what the beauty of this number is? I didn’t have to do all that much to attain it. I went for walks, and I ate food at normal portions/calories (my calories are set at 1700 on MyFitnessPal currently) and at normal times, and I didn’t dwell too hard about anything. When I wanted to walk, I walked. If I only wanted to do a mile, I just did a mile. If I was hungry I ate good snacks of fruits, vegetables, and nuts. It’s so inspiring to keep this up when it’s becoming so much more easier. I feel it in my body, and it gives me the confidence to just want to continue. I also have the energy too. It’s harder to do things weighing as much as I do, and just moving a little bit more each day it has led to increased motivation both mentally and physically to just keep doing it.

I am rational, and know that numbers like this directly relate to how overweight I am, and that it could get harder sooner than I think, I still love the way I’m starting to look, and knowing that getting below 300 is a very really possible in just a short time. My lowest weight recorded is 285.2. That was back on August 11th of 2010. Getting down to that is one of my first “goals” that I have had in the back of my head. And it’s so attainable.

weightloss. 10,00 steps challenge.

Hi! So yesterday was weigh-in, and I lost 5.4lbs. Huzzah! I was totally not expecting that at all. I did poorly at the beginning of the week with my calories, but I guess towards the end of the week with pretty solid calories and the combination of doing a lot of putting away in stock, I ended up with that loss. I also think that the last two weeks being somewhat a maintain was sort of a carry over for me for that loss. At any rate, I’m super excited about it. I weighed in on MyFitnessPal and I am now down to a new lower calorie limit. We’ll see how this week goes with that change.

I am now at 312, which the last record I have at that weight was March 3, 2011. Although that is disheartening, I can only look to the future. I notice every day that my body is changing. Pants don’t fit any more, I walk more quickly, am willing to do more things. I am much more conscious about the things that I eat, and my portions (which is the biggest thing for me). I am starting to feel really good, and I think that is all that really matters.

I also decided that since my hectic Humana days are over I need to up the exercise and I decided to do that with something that can be fairly easy for me: a 10,000 steps challenge. I’m wearing my FitBit every day this week and I want to accomplish 10,000 steps every day. What’s great is that I have a bunch of leeway with that challenge. I could end up doing 10,000 steps at work, and then I won’t have to do anything elsewhere. But if I don’t, I need to make up for it somehow. Whether it is going for a walk, or walking around my house.

Today, as of 8pm, I have a little over 8,000 steps. I’m worried that today might not be a good day to start this challenge and then fail. I tried hard, but I didn’t really factor in that it would be Spring and snowing outside. I did go over to the grocery store and walk the aisles to try to make up for it, and to stay indoors, but it’s a little hairy now. I’ve been kind of cleaning around the house, so we’ll see at Midnight what happens. Here’s hoping for the best!

weightloss, documentaries, and veganism.

Yesterday was weigh-in and I lost 2 lbs! I was super, no good, very bad, this week calorie wise though. The only explanation I have from the loss is the fact that during the day during those bad times I was super on point with calories, and I think a combination of that and my body needing more calories from work (overtime + doing exercise-type jobs like scrapping wine labels off of bottles for 2 hours straight) helped even out everything. Don’t get me wrong, I love the loss, but those days of binging are not good. At all. I need to work on that this week (hello, broken record Jessie. Remember saying that last week?) and get back to eating healthier foods.

On the healthier foods point, I spent all of my Sunday doing nothing but laundry and in the glorious trap that is Netflix instant queue. More specifically: the documentaries. I love watching them, I always get inspired and learn new things. It was a nice way to veg out and not do anything that was work. I ended up watching a series of documentaries: Vegucated, No Impact Man, and Forks Over Knives.

It’s no secret that I have been wanting to go vegan for a while. Years ago I thought it wasn’t something I could do. I was also kind of scared. What if I mess up? What if people judge me because I’m fat and I’m vegan? For years I’ve been a vegetarian (and most of my life semi-vegetarian), and it wasn’t really hard for me. It was hard when I would come to struggles like dining hall food in college, or instant cravings for food of the fast food variety, but other than that it was easy. I like vegetables, I like vegetarian foods, I enjoy the impact I have in terms of animal rights. Hell, I even eat most meals vegan. But for the past couple of years, something in my gut always told me that wasn’t enough.

I’m not going to stand on a soapbox and say that eating animal products is bad and that you are monster if you do. I think everyone has to decide what’s right for them, and at least hear the other person’s side on why it is important to them. In my heart I knew that just giving up meat wasn’t enough. I knew about what was happening in the dairy and egg farms, and by eating those products I was still hurting animals.

So, for the past year I have been slowly fazing out animal products in favor of vegan alternatives (or something completely different). I still ate cheese from time to time, and had things like yogurt or cottage cheese. I didn’t even think about it when I was out at meals, it was hardly ever vegan. I wasn’t super awesome about checking product labels, so things like bread would normally not be vegan. Frozen items generally had cheese. Then, a couple of months (maybe more?) I thought about fully switching over. I wrote a post about it, possibly on Tumblr? I wanted to do it slowly and finally get there.

If there is anything I can say about my life is that doing things “slowly” doesn’t work out for me. I have to just up and do it. No ifs, ands, or buts. Just do it. I wanted to stop biting my nails? I just do it. I wanted to learn how to tie my shoe? Just did it. I wanted to give up red meat and pork when I was in middle school? Just did it. I wanted to start losing weight? After months (years) of me starting “slowly” it took one day for me just to pick up MyFitnessPal and just do it. And here I am, more than 20 pounds lighter.

Those documentaries really got to me, as they should, but also my heart got to me. I just can’t deal with that dread I feel inside. I’m not perfect, and never will be. That’s the beauty of ” just doing it”. There will always be set backs (hello last two weeks of high calorie days) but it’s the just do it mentality that gets past those upsets and continues on to the next day, afresh.

I’m going vegan.

I think I’ll be a lot happier in the long run.

 

weigh-in #30, car issues, and life issues

I weighed in today on both the old an new scale. There was about a 2 pound difference between the two, the old one weighing me at 329.4 and the new one at 327. The new scale did give me a couple of different read outs, and I was a bit worried but it seems ok. I think I’m extra paranoid now about things. I could have just kept with my old scale, but I couldn’t justify something that had to sit there for a week to calibrate. Now I’ll just use it as a backup should anything happen. I do love the new look of the new scale. It’s really¬† nice looking, and the blue-lit read out is so much easier to read. It also keeps the weight a while after I step off, which my old one never did.

No matter the number, it still a gain of 1.2. I am fine with this, I was horrible in calories for most of the week last week and I understand why I gained. I’m glad it was only that much, if I hadn’t tried desperately hard to fix it towards the end of the week it probably would have been more. I am surprised that I have kept tracking. Before in states like this, I would stop tracking. To “hide” the amount I had gone over, this is not one of those times and I am happy for this small improvement. It still doesn’t make it right, but I feel like I’m getting better.

That being said, today my awesome friend Braden came to help fix the car. We assumed it was just a dead battery and took it to AutoZone who tested it and confirmed it was dead. I got the new came back and installed it…and it still didn’t work. We tried other things, including jumping it and letting it run for a while but as soon as I put my foot on the brake it died. Needless to say, today is not ending on a good note. I fear having to tow it and get a huge bill that I can’t afford but it HAS to be fixed. It’s insanely essential for my job and it needs to get done.

I get paranoid about things that I haven’t had to do, and I’ve never once had to figure out what to do in this kind of situation. Do I call a tow place and get it sent to the Mazda dealership? Does Mazda have their own service? Do I pay for the tow seperatly? Do I have to be there when the tow comes of the shop? I don’t like not knowing, and I don’t like the fact that I might sound completely stupid about not knowing and that just stresses me out even more. My anxiety wants nothing more to not think of it and be done.