weightloss. 10,00 steps challenge.

Hi! So yesterday was weigh-in, and I lost 5.4lbs. Huzzah! I was totally not expecting that at all. I did poorly at the beginning of the week with my calories, but I guess towards the end of the week with pretty solid calories and the combination of doing a lot of putting away in stock, I ended up with that loss. I also think that the last two weeks being somewhat a maintain was sort of a carry over for me for that loss. At any rate, I’m super excited about it. I weighed in on MyFitnessPal and I am now down to a new lower calorie limit. We’ll see how this week goes with that change.

I am now at 312, which the last record I have at that weight was March 3, 2011. Although that is disheartening, I can only look to the future. I notice every day that my body is changing. Pants don’t fit any more, I walk more quickly, am willing to do more things. I am much more conscious about the things that I eat, and my portions (which is the biggest thing for me). I am starting to feel really good, and I think that is all that really matters.

I also decided that since my hectic Humana days are over I need to up the exercise and I decided to do that with something that can be fairly easy for me: a 10,000 steps challenge. I’m wearing my FitBit every day this week and I want to accomplish 10,000 steps every day. What’s great is that I have a bunch of leeway with that challenge. I could end up doing 10,000 steps at work, and then I won’t have to do anything elsewhere. But if I don’t, I need to make up for it somehow. Whether it is going for a walk, or walking around my house.

Today, as of 8pm, I have a little over 8,000 steps. I’m worried that today might not be a good day to start this challenge and then fail. I tried hard, but I didn’t really factor in that it would be Spring and snowing outside. I did go over to the grocery store and walk the aisles to try to make up for it, and to stay indoors, but it’s a little hairy now. I’ve been kind of cleaning around the house, so we’ll see at Midnight what happens. Here’s hoping for the best!

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let downs.

Lately I’ve been in a slump. I could blame it on personal issues that have happened in the my life, or the fact that I’m working so much, but those are just excuses and shouldn’t really lead to such a “downward spiral” (for lack of a better phrase). I had been going so good in this weight loss journey: tracking, losing weight, eating healthier, sticking to my portions. But these last few weeks I’ve been in this broken record where I’m eating great one day, and the next not so great. Or eating perfect during the day until I get to dinner. I don’t like it, at all. It’s been leading to me indulging in more than I should-more than I want- and this past week’s weigh-in is an indicator of that.

I’m trying so hard to get out of that, but I feel myself slowly slipping back into my old ways. Sleeping in and rushing out the door without breakfast, high calorie snacking, hardly eating anything at lunch and then coming home to high calorie dinners. I don’t like it. Not only do I feel it in my body, but I just feel it in my being. I had this really great thing going where I would wake up in the mornings and have breakfast with green tea. It woke me up, and I felt a little bit better walking out the door to work. And then I would come home and eat a good dinner and end the day with a relaxing cup of tea. I’m not doing any of that now. I haven’t eaten breakfast in probably a week. I don’t even drink the tea because my calories have been up.

It’s a fine line that I’m hovering at. In one hand, I have to see the good that I am doing. The things that I’m doing now that I wouldn’t be doing when times would be like this. I’m still tracking, even if it’s going to tell me I ate 400 more calories than I should have. I still make better choices. But as I said in a post below, just because the bag of chips is half the calories of a normal one, it still doesn’t make eating the whole bag ok. But where do I cross the line of congratulating myself for those better steps, to discouraging the lack of improvement?

I don’t want to let myself down again. I don’t want to slowly give up like I have in the past. It scares me. I don’t want to be obese anymore. I don’t want to be depressed because of my weight. I don’t want to look in the mirror every morning and be disgusted with the body I see. I don’t want to think about the fact that I might die because of my weight. You would think that would be enough to get me into gear. To make me take control of my life. But it’s hard. It’s really, really hard. It’s really hard to see how far you have got, to see other people just have it so much easier. To will myself that I can do it and not look at the countless times in the past I haven’t done it and not think that it’s a hopeless cause. That I’ve already wasted away my years and there is no purpose at all.

Weight loss is so fucking hard. It really is.

vegetarian tasting fair. vegan jerky. anxiety.

Today I headed over to Rainbow Blossom, a local chain of grocery stores much like Whole Foods and Earth Fare. I wanted to see what samples were out and maybe pick up some things while I’m there. I don’t normally shop there because it is a little too expensive (especially since the store has four locations, not just one) but they do carry some fun stuff, so when I have extra money I go there.

I got a bunch of leaflets, and even stopped at the Louisville Vegetarian Initiative booth. So, I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned more than once on this blog but I have some can-be-severe social anxiety. If I’m in a situation I don’t know the proper procedure to follow, or if I have to come up with a conversation on the spot (say at a party or a bar) I get super nervous. I’ve been wanting to go to some of their events for a while now, but the lack of courage to do it has prevented me to. By I did stop and at least talk a little bit at the booth, which was a huge step for me. I got some fun stickers and a cute button. I also picked up a compassionate guide (well, I got two…somehow). I think one of my goals in the next couple of months is to muster up the courage to go to one of their events. They go to restaurants a lot, and I think it would be fun to go and meet some new people that aren’t at work or friends of people from work.

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I also went to the fair for one goal in mind: to sample some of Morels the Vegan Butcher’s new flavor of vegan jerky: Maple Siracha. It is everything I had hoped and more. I can’t wait till it goes on sale for real. It was fantastic. I’ve been following the company since they were just a vegan food truck here in town. They’ve since stopped the truck, and have turned into a catering/retail company. Other than the jerky, they have vegan wraps (the philly cheeze steak wrap is awesome) and can be found locally here in Louisville at Rainbow Blossom and Heine Brothers Cafe. You are in luck if you don’t live here, though. Not only can you buy the jerky online he’s been starting to sell to lots of states. Also, VeganCuts has a deal on them right now. So check them out, who knows you might see the product in a store near you. I 100% support everything they do, and am glad that they are growing as fast as they are. I just wish the jerky wasn’t so tasty that I can eat a full bag in one sitting.

I got a few things while there, some of Morel’s other jerky, some kale chips I sampled and loved (they were expensive, like most, but $2 off so I figured I would get it while there), and some Pure Food onion rings. I’ve tried their ranch zuchini chips in my Conscious Box and they were awesome. I’m going to figure out a fun recipe for them. Maybe vegan green bean casserole?

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All-in-all I tasted some yummy food and got to try some new brands so it was worthwhile. I’m glad I went. Maybe next time one of these type events happen I’ll have the nerve to take more pictures!

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weight loss. humana. veganism. birthdays.

It’s been a while since I posted here. Honestly, it’s been a little too hectic in my life to really sit down and write anything. I also really haven’t had anything to say, so that has prevented me from using my energy and free time to post anything of importance. I lost weight this past week, and am feeling really good. I had wanted to get into more of an exercise routine, but I realized after eating horribly a couple of times and still losing that my body is getting plenty of work just being at…well, work. If the past two days of my FitBit are any indication, I think you’ll agree that it’s for the best. I’ve been doing over 10,000 steps just at work alone. While it would be awesome to workout and do as much at work, it really doesn’t make sense to me right now. I don’t have as much free time to devote to it, and if I did I risk cutting into much needed down time and sickness. I can NOT get sick, so I’m doing what’s best for my body now. Once work slows out and I end the season exercise will need to be put back into my every day life. I tell ya, the best diet is the Humana Festival diet.

My vegan diet has been going swimmingly. I love it. It truly is like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. It’s not as hard as I thought it would be, which is even more reassuring that there can be success. That being said, I haven’t been faced with a restaurant or being somewhere where there is next to nothing in vegan choices, but for now it’s great. I really do love it, it’s been putting my mind at ease and I’ve been really creative when it comes to cooking and eating.

Tomorrow is my birthday. I will be 29. Eek! The time flies by so quickly. How am I almost 30? It’s so scary. My parent officially put their house for sale too. The picture of the “For Sale” post my mom sent me in e-mail threw me. I have to make it down during the summer before I don’t have another option too. Life is happening too quickly for me right now. It’s kind of overwhelming. But that’s how it goes, doesn’t it?

Even though those parts of life are going by fast, I’m enjoying my weightloss, my new found diet, and the energy I have regained. Those aspects only push me to know that I am in the right path, and I want to do everything I can to continue. I even synced my twitter account with my youtube. That’s huge for me, I’m a pretty private person (especially when it comes to people I actually know) so unlocking that one step was a huge turning point for me. Doing the videos and keeping up with the blog is helping me come out of my shell a little bit more. Babys steps, but I’m getting there

weightloss, documentaries, and veganism.

Yesterday was weigh-in and I lost 2 lbs! I was super, no good, very bad, this week calorie wise though. The only explanation I have from the loss is the fact that during the day during those bad times I was super on point with calories, and I think a combination of that and my body needing more calories from work (overtime + doing exercise-type jobs like scrapping wine labels off of bottles for 2 hours straight) helped even out everything. Don’t get me wrong, I love the loss, but those days of binging are not good. At all. I need to work on that this week (hello, broken record Jessie. Remember saying that last week?) and get back to eating healthier foods.

On the healthier foods point, I spent all of my Sunday doing nothing but laundry and in the glorious trap that is Netflix instant queue. More specifically: the documentaries. I love watching them, I always get inspired and learn new things. It was a nice way to veg out and not do anything that was work. I ended up watching a series of documentaries: Vegucated, No Impact Man, and Forks Over Knives.

It’s no secret that I have been wanting to go vegan for a while. Years ago I thought it wasn’t something I could do. I was also kind of scared. What if I mess up? What if people judge me because I’m fat and I’m vegan? For years I’ve been a vegetarian (and most of my life semi-vegetarian), and it wasn’t really hard for me. It was hard when I would come to struggles like dining hall food in college, or instant cravings for food of the fast food variety, but other than that it was easy. I like vegetables, I like vegetarian foods, I enjoy the impact I have in terms of animal rights. Hell, I even eat most meals vegan. But for the past couple of years, something in my gut always told me that wasn’t enough.

I’m not going to stand on a soapbox and say that eating animal products is bad and that you are monster if you do. I think everyone has to decide what’s right for them, and at least hear the other person’s side on why it is important to them. In my heart I knew that just giving up meat wasn’t enough. I knew about what was happening in the dairy and egg farms, and by eating those products I was still hurting animals.

So, for the past year I have been slowly fazing out animal products in favor of vegan alternatives (or something completely different). I still ate cheese from time to time, and had things like yogurt or cottage cheese. I didn’t even think about it when I was out at meals, it was hardly ever vegan. I wasn’t super awesome about checking product labels, so things like bread would normally not be vegan. Frozen items generally had cheese. Then, a couple of months (maybe more?) I thought about fully switching over. I wrote a post about it, possibly on Tumblr? I wanted to do it slowly and finally get there.

If there is anything I can say about my life is that doing things “slowly” doesn’t work out for me. I have to just up and do it. No ifs, ands, or buts. Just do it. I wanted to stop biting my nails? I just do it. I wanted to learn how to tie my shoe? Just did it. I wanted to give up red meat and pork when I was in middle school? Just did it. I wanted to start losing weight? After months (years) of me starting “slowly” it took one day for me just to pick up MyFitnessPal and just do it. And here I am, more than 20 pounds lighter.

Those documentaries really got to me, as they should, but also my heart got to me. I just can’t deal with that dread I feel inside. I’m not perfect, and never will be. That’s the beauty of ” just doing it”. There will always be set backs (hello last two weeks of high calorie days) but it’s the just do it mentality that gets past those upsets and continues on to the next day, afresh.

I’m going vegan.

I think I’ll be a lot happier in the long run.